Hi Hanna,

It’s half-term break where I live. I was pondering an appropriate newsletter topic for school holidays and the idea came to me…what do children actually mean when they say they are bored? Both of my children say this a lot. Sometimes I can see that they are genuinely bored but I believe that the majority of the time they mean something else. I thought I would share some ideas for decoding “I’m bored” in case you get this alot too.

“I’m bored” can mean that the child:

• Is actually bored and needs a new activity to occupy them that will keep them interested. 
• Is seeking connection with you. This is a common one and an important one to be aware of. 
• Is feeling sad, worried or another more complex feeling that they don’t understand. 
• Is finding the activity they are doing to be too challenging. Of course, it could be the task is too easy but we tend to presume bored means the activity is too easy when actually bored can be used as a way to protect their self-esteem when the task is difficult.
• Is finding the task too fatiguing and they don't have enough spoons (energy) left to engage in it. 
• Doesn’t see the relevance or the value in the task – this is particularly true for neurodivergent children. 
• Is hungry. When the body is hungry it needs fuel to provide the energy required to engage in activity. When a child is hungry they can find they don't have the energy required to continue with an activity and if they don't notice hunger (due to difficulties noticing internal body signals) then they can say they are bored. This one works both ways, sometimes children say they are hungry when they are actually bored. 
• Does not want to be alone. They might not want to actually engage in an activity with you but they might want you to be in the room with them. 
• Probably lots of other things too but I haven’t fully cracked the code yet! Let me know if you have!  

How we respond
When children say they are bored we often respond with a list of options. For example we might say, “well you can go and play outside, read a book, you can go on VR, we can play a board game or you can go on your trampoline – there’s lots to do.” However, if a child is already dealing with some complex emotions coming up and is seeking connection, then giving them a list of choices (that can feel like demands) not only increases the anxiety but can lead to them feel misunderstood as they don’t actually mean that they are bored and they expect us to be mind readers!

My invitation to you is to take a moment before you reply next time your child says they are bored. Try to tune into what they really mean and respond appropriately. For example, if you think they don’t want to be on their own you could say “would you like to carry on playing Roblox but I’ll come and sit with you?”. If you think there is something going on in their life that is causing big feelings to bubble up (e.g. worried about an event a school the next day), you could empathise and say “it’s really tricky when you feel bored and all these big feelings come up but it will pass. We can talk if you like or I can just sit with you”. 

One last thing to think about. Children can find the feeling of being bored difficult to handle and as parents, we can jump to problem-solving mode, suggesting a variety of possible things they could do (and often these are turned down as rubbish ideas)! However, being bored or rather doing nothing is a part of life and it is not always helpful to pack our lives full of activity with no time for ‘being’. Sometimes it can be helpful to reply to your child something along the lines of, “would you like me to sit with you and we can be bored together, I’ve had a busy day and I’d love to sit and do nothing with you”. Even if they just start by doing it for a few minutes with your company then this is developing a good life skill.

I hope that this was either helpful or at least gave you something to think about.

Hanna

If you haven't already seen my YouTube channel then have a look! All my sensory activity demo videos are on there.