Hi Hanna,

How are the school holidays going for you? We're doing ok. In the past I've found the holidays so hard so I've just been reflecting on what's different. 

• I'm not putting pressure on us to do things as a family. I've moved through the grief process related to things not being how I envisaged a family 'should' be and we do what works for us. This tends to be my husband and I doing separate things with each child. 
  
  
• We keep doing what we know works even though its repetitive. For one of my boys this involves us going swimming 5 times a week! The leisure centre staff have said "you again?!" but in a friendly way! My son loves swimming and we have a membership so why not. He also seems happy to go to M&S Food, I think because it's quite small and quiet and so we're making that a little trip out sometimes. There is one particular cafe where the staff know him and he seems comfortable so we keep going there. I do believe that it's positive to do new things and in a couple of weeks we're having 2 nights away but for the majority of the holidays I just want as much ease as possible! 
  
  
• We don't go abroad anymore! Well done to you if you manage it but honestly, I find it too stressful and then I need a holiday after the holiday! Maybe one day we'll try again but for now I'm happy having little breaks in the UK. I'm not saying others shouldn't go abroad, but I am saying that it's ok to find things so tricky that you decide not to tackle them. 
  
  
• I'm not feeling guilty about the amount of screentime my kids are having. It's a lot but they are happy and I am happy. My 11 year old has probably spent 90% of his holiday gaming but by giving him the space to do that and not pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do, something amazing has happened! He has started going to the park to meet friends by himself! This is my son who is out of school and has barely left the house since February. Em of NeuroWild presents a helpful way to think about a child's capacity and how when they are well regulated from a sensory and emotional perspective and when they are well rested (low fatigue), then they have the capacity to cope with unexpected/new events and I feel that this is what has happened for my son. I have put some visuals from NeuroWild that explain this at the bottom of this email.

I'm just realising that there are some similar themes in this email to my email about the Christmas holidays - keep it simple, do what works for your family, try not to feel guilty (be compassionate to yourself) and don't compare yourself to others (I've found that limiting social media helps me with that). I hope you manage to find some ease these holidays and hopefully some lovely moments of fun and connection. And if that feels too hopeful and you're just in survival mode then I'm sending you love; I've been there when my children were younger and it's hard. 

Hanna

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