Hi ,

My husband, son and I really laughed last night! Proper hysterical laughter. There was silliness, excitement, connection and shared joy. For half an hour my son was light, he a child again and my husband and I were fun and carefree. I hadn't realised how much we needed it, how much we were missing it, how serious, exhausted and low we'd all become. 

It was 10.30pm and really my son should have been in his room trying to sleep but he was downstairs with us and wide awake. He was playing a hand slap game with his dad when he suggested he fill his mouth with water and try not to laugh whilst playing the game. He ran off to kitchen and came back with a mouth full of water and immediately burst out laughing. The water shot out of his mouth across the room. We all laughed and he ran off to refill! What ensued was half an hour of him running back and forth to the kitchen, filling his mouth with water and spitting it around the room!

I'll be honest, I didn't just immediately let go and become 'fun mum'! There was a voice in my head saying, will this leave water marks on the sofa, he should be calming down for bed not getting silly, should we really be encouraging this etc etc. But...my son hasn't laughed for so long. He hasn't been silly. He is only 11 but he seems to have the world on his shoulders. My husband and I haven't laughed much either. We've been fighting for EOTAS, trying to work whilst my son is at home, trying to find suitable provision, working out the right words to say to him when he's telling us he doesn't want to be here anymore - I'm sure you get the picture. So the part of me that just knows what's for the best - my intuition, my higher self, my gut - went with it and it was so fun, so healing; we all really needed it.

When my husband said, ok I think we do need to stop this now (when the floor had huge puddles on it), I said in a pretend serious voice, yes I agree we need to stop, but then I sneaked to kitchen, filled my mouth and squirted it directly at my son. I had upped the ante and so my son ran to the kitchen filled a large cup of cold water and poured it all over my head! We then all agreed to stop and of course my son left my husband and I to clean it all up!

One of the lovely things about last night was how it wasn't planned, it was natural, the moment presented itself and we just let go and went with it. I guess I'm sharing this in case it's helpful for you to think about silliness, about joy, about laughter and whether you would like more in your lives. Perhaps when a little moment presents itself, you can grab it, forget your troubles for a moment, forget you're an adult even, so that you too can be a child again, be silly and if you're fortunate you may enjoy some shared laughter and joyful connection with your child.

Hanna