Understanding the sensory needs of your whole family

Nearly 20 years ago I came across the book, Living Sensationally: Understanding Your Senses by Winnie Dunn. I found it fascinating and honestly it helped my relationship with my husband so much - there were so many, "oh that's why he does that" and "that's why I get annoyed at that" type moments. And then I started to think about my parents and my brother and I saw my life growing up through a different lens. Since then I've had children and again, this book has helped me understand why we can trigger each other at times, and also what we can do to make things easier. 

When you buy the book there is a questionnaire included so you can work out your sensory pattern(s) and those of your family. But to give you a little idea of the concepts in the book, I've summarised some information from Chapter 3. Perhaps even without the questionnaire you can recognise your pattern and those of your family? Humans are complex and we are not usually just one pattern but often there is often one that has a stronger influence. 

Seekers 

Seekers always want more. Seekers can't get enough! They want more flavour, more brilliant colours, more pulsing in their music, more dramatic clothing, fluffier pillows, more textured chairs, walls, and furniture - whatever Seekers are interested in, they want more of it. Seekers love sensation, and they are happier when they have more of their favourite sensations. Seekers create excitement and change all around them. Seekers who like movement might jiggle their legs, get up a lot during meetings, or run as their exercise. Seekers who like sound might use an MP3 player, hum, or sing while cleaning. Seekers who like sights are likely to have lots of art in their homes or offices, and may keep work materials or projects out on surfaces rather than filing them away. If you have a Seeker in your life, hold onto your hat. Seekers play hard and keep going back for more.

Bystanders  

Bystanders don't know what they are missing. Bystanders need more sensory information than others; things need to be louder, brighter, smellier and faster for a Bystander to pay attention. Because Bystanders aren’t aware of things going on around them, they are easy going people. Bystanders can also seem unaware and oblivious to their surroundings, and family and friends can wonder if Bystanders are paying attention to them. The challenging thing about being a Bystander is that sometimes needed information can be missed. Bystanders might also drive family, friends, and co-workers crazy because they don't notice things that other people expect them to. 

Avoiders 

Avoiders want more of the same and nothing else. Avoiders love order and routine; things feel more comfortable when there is a plan. They don't like new sensory experiences so they try to get everything to be the same. When things change too quickly, then Avoiders get uncomfortable. Avoiders love to do things the same way every time. Routine provide comfort because the sensations are familiar to the brain; this familiarity keeps the brain from overreacting. When routines change, Avoiders might become anxious; changes mean new sensory information will occur. Avoiders create routines to keep life peaceful and manageable. Avoiders want to control the amount of sensory information they receive and they don’t want very much of it. Avoiders will look for time to be alone. They will watch movies at home rather than go out. Avoiders will pull the shades down, or even prefer the room without windows. They will prefer cooking at home or getting take-out, and will have favourite foods that they eat frequently. Avoiders might drive family, friends, and co-workers crazy because of their need to control everything around them. Avoiders want to reduce the amount of sensory information around them, and so may try to impose more order into situations than others want.

Sensors 

Sensors keep track of everything. Sensors notice most of the sensory information around them. Sensors will have very precise ideas about what is loud enough, bright enough, or soft enough. They will also comment on their perceptions about sensations to those around them. For example, Sensors will notice and comment about the volume of the TV, someone's cologne or may cut tags out of their clothing. Because they notice sensory information all around them, they can be very easily distracted as well. Sensors notice what is going on, and have precise ideas about how to handle situations. The great thing about being a Sensor is that they are very sensitive to what is going on around them. Sensors will be the first to detect a change in a person’s mood or circumstance, so will be considered the most sensitive friend or family member. Sensors can be very creative because they notice more details than others do. Sensors might drive family, friends, and co-workers crazy with their need to have things precisely designed. Sensors can be vocal about what is bothering them, and this can feel like an imposition sometimes.

I'm a Sensor by the way! My husband is a Bystander and we have an Avoider child and a Sensor child. I resonate (in terms of sensory experience) with both children as we are all sensitive. My husband finds us harder to understand since he is so under responsive to sensory input and just doesn't get overwhelmed like we all do. My Avoider teenager is the one who does not manage to attend school and has EOTAS. If he had the choice he would probably spend his life in his room and never leave it. My Sensor teenager enjoys sensory input but gets to a point of sudden overwhelm and meltdown.

I hope this has all been helpful and interesting and enables you to reflect on your family. The book is quite old now but I do recommend it. As well as the info I've shared there are tips, strategies, case studies, a lot more detail than the info above and the questionnaire etc.

Hanna